Suicide
by amber-eyez456
Summary: Song fic about Harry hope you enjoy. Title may change if I think of a better one.
1. Default Chapter

Hey, just thought I'd put this one out since I have writers block on my other fics. This is also to those who are reading Abyss and have to wait becuase I'm re-writting it and for those waiting for the next chappie of Untamed Screaming.

If I do continue this, which I plan to, It will be rated R and Slash (HP/DM)

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Harry Potter or the songs.

The song used is called Breaking The Habit by: Linkin Park

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_/Memories consume, like opening the wounds._

_I'm picking me apart again._

_You all assume, I'm safe here in my room._

_Unless I try to start again./_

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Sounds of flesh on flesh. Sounds of bodies hitting the wall. Shuffling of feet. Groans, sobs, and screams. He thought this was supposed to be his home. 'They' were supposed to replentish the magic his mother gave him. Well, at least that's what he was told. He didn't know what was worst, Voldemort or his 'family'.

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_/I don't want to be the one, the battles always choose._

_cuz inside I realize, that I'm the one confused._

_I don't know whats worth fighting for._

_or why I have to scream._

_I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean._

_I don't know how I got this way, I know it's not alright._

_So I'm breaking the habit,_

_Breaking the habit, tonight./_

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I was told I was to save the world. At a young age I was told many lives depended on me. With the weight of the world on my shoulder, I started to drown in all the pressure. Everyone failed to notice how miserable I was. They didn't see how this was slowing breaking me. The bond I shared with Voldemort gave me hope. Hope that he would kill me... Kill all the pain I have. But, he seems to be failing in his attempts. Maybe I should help him...

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_/Caution my cure, I tight and lock the door._

_I try to catch my breath again._

_I have much more than anytime before,_

_I have no options left again./_

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I sat in front of my wardrobe that I pushed in front of the door. My hand touched the cool metal of the razor blade that I held. Running my finger across it, I watched a trickle of blood escape the fresh wound. A shiver ran through my body as I knew that I controlled my life.

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_/I don't want to be the one, the battles always choose._

_Cuz inside I realize, that I'm the one confused._

_I don't know whats worth fighting for, or why I have to scream._

_I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean. _

_I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright._

_So i'm breaking the habit,_

_Breaking the habit, tonight./_

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I could hear screams outside my door. I felt the vibrations of someone pounding on the door. I wondered what everyone would think about their 'golden boy' now. I looked down and saw a smear of blood on my fingers. I lifted my hand and tasted some of the blood. The metallic flavor coated my tongue. My eyes were transfixed on the silver glint the blade I held in my hand had.

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_/I'll paint it on the walls,_

_cuz I'm the one at fault._

_I'll never fight again._

_And this is how it ends./_

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I pressed the cool metal against my wrist. Applying some pressure, I felt the blade bite through my skin. I ran it down my arm slowly, relishing in the feel of pain, the only symbol that I was alive. I quickly did my other wrist before I lost feeling in my hand. I watched the blood flow down my arm, dripping to the floor, and pooling around me.

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_/I don't know whats worth fighting for, or why I have to scream._

_But know I have some clarity, to show you what I mean._

_I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright._

_So i'm breaking the habit,_

_I'm breaking the habit,_

_breaking the habit,_

_tonight./_

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My body felt heavy. I was getting drowsy. The sounds of screaming and the pounding on the door, where fading from my mind. My vision was becoming blurred. My eyes where heavy. My body slumped over to the side. My vision was black, my body limp. All sound and feeling no longer registered in my brain. Breathing was no longer a must.

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So this is where I need your help.. Should Harry live or die? Any suggestions for future chappies? Anything will help. Other than that, this was a sorry attempt first attempt at a song fic.

any kind of feedback is appreciated.


	2. chapter 2

Ahhh... It's been forever since I last updated any of my fics. I hope you can all forgive me. I have had a lot going on. I'm going to say sorry in advanced for this chapter. I haven't even as of yet written it. So you will be reading a rough copy.

The song is by Linkin Park, "Somewhere I belong".

Chapter 2

_When this began, I had nothing to say and I get lost in the nothingness inside of me._

_I was confussed, and I let it all out to find that I'm not the only person with the things in mind._

_Inside of me, do what all of they can see, the words revieled is the only thing that I got left to feel._

_Nothing to lose, hollow and alone and the fault is my own, the fault is my own._

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My head was pounding. I could feel the blood running through my veins. Rushing to get oxygen to my body. Rushing to keep me alive. I didn't want this. I wanted to be free. No more worries, no more hopes, dreams... nothing. I know who brought me back. The only person wanting to keep me alive. Dumbledore. He won't let me die, until I kill Voldemort. I'm just his pawn. His play thing. And I let him do this to me.

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_I want to heal, I want to feel. What I thought was never real. _

_I want to laugh you of the pain I've felt so long, (erase all the pain till it's gone)_

_I want to heal, I want to feel. Like I'm close to something real_

_I want to find something I've wanted all along._

_Somewhere I belong._

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I opened my eyes to see the white walls of the infirmary in Hogwarts. I've been in this room so many times, It's like my second home. Poppy always treated me like any other patient she's had. I wasn't the Golden Boy or The Boy Who Lived. The Slytherins never treated me as such either. Malfoy always treated me as I wanted everyone to. Like I was nobody. In truth I'm not. I was just lucky to survive the psychopaths curse. My mother was the reason why I survived. I have no special abilities, nothing. I'm just a normal wizard, with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

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_And I've got nothing to say, I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face._

_I was confussed, looking everywhere only to find that it's not how I imaginded it all in my mind._

_So unamused, but do I have the negativity, cuz I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me._

_Nothing to lose, nothing to gain. Hollow and alone and the fault is my own, the fault is my own._

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People asume that I will purge the world of evil. They put all their trust in me, all their hope. Their dreams will shatter when they find out that I will not be their savior. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had taken Malfoy's hand on the train in year 1. I wonder if I he will let me change my dicision. If I extend my hand in friendship, will he take it?

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_I want to heal, I want to feel. What I thought was never real. _

_I want to laugh you of the pain I've felt so long, (erase all the pain till it's gone)_

_I want to heal, I want to feel. Like I'm close to something real_

_I want to find something I've wanted all along._

_Somewhere I belong._

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I get up and walk to the window. My balance is off, so I lean on the wall for support. I blow out a puff of air. My eyes scan Hogwarts grounds. The brightness of the sun makes the colors mix together. I hear foot steps behind me, but I do not turn. The person that had entered to room, sat on the edge of one of the beds. They didn't say anything, just sat and watched me. Tired of the intrusion, I turned and greeted the visitor. I had expected to see Dumbledore, but instead, Snape sat on the bed.

"What would be so devasting that the Golden Boy would want to kill himself? Didn't get everything you wanted, so you threw a fit?" Snape said dully. I just stood there and stared at him.

"Or was it that you finally saw what I've been trying to show you for years?" He added. "Your life doesn't mean anything to the world. As long as you attempt to kill the dark lord, you will keep your title as Savior. Most people don't care if you die in the process."

"Why are you telling me this?" I said softly.

"I want you to know the truth. I want you to decide how you are going to live your life." With that, he got up and left.

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_I will never know myself until I do this on my own._

_And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed._

_I will never be, anything till I break away from me, I will break away, I'll find myself today._

_I want to heal, I want to feel. What I thought was never real. _

_I want to laugh you of the pain I've felt so long, (erase all the pain till it's gone)_

_I want to heal, I want to feel. Like I'm close to something real_

_I want to find something I've wanted all along._

_Somewhere I belong._

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I've been in the hopital wing for the last couple of days. Dumbledore have not come to visit me. The only visitor I've had since Snape was Poppy. I have been contemplating Snape's words. I plan on writing a letter to Malfoy. I don't know what to say. I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll just write and hope that he replies.

Draco Malfoy,

I don't know how to put this into words. I was hoping that you and I could become friends. I am sorry for the way I have acted towards you and your friends. I hope you can forgive me. This letter is not a game. I have recently found out that life means nothing. I am to do one thing. After that task is done, I myself will no longer be idolized, therefore, wether I live or die, means nothing. I hope you and I could become friends and I hope you reply to my letter.

Harry Potter

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so that was chapter 2 I really hope I didn't mess it up too bad. If you have any ideas or suggestions, please leave them in a review or email them to me. PLEASE REVIEW.


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